Showing posts from 2018

The 2018 'Days Of Christmas'

  Keeping this blog's  tradition  going, this is my Yuletide posting about all that you should know for Christmas. But let's just take a moment in the busy day to remember what it's all about - the people you love. I'm thinking of the people you love right now ... are you thinking of mine? Of course, it's not just about family and friends (if that's who I was thinking of) but also presents, alcohol and oodles of sitting around in the sun (hardy har har Northern Hempishpereans!). If Jesus is your thing, I mean, if he's your bag, what you're into man then do the religious thing as well. Just don't get all "God" over Christmas and try to remember that it was  originally a pagan festival  around the longest day, certainly don't want you Christians foisting your ideas on people and trying to subvert the real message! Fun. that's the real message. Believe in Father Christmas (who shats all over Santa) and have too much laughter w

'Tis the season to be jolly (2018 version)

( 2017 version |  2016 version |  2005 version ) So, Christmas is coming and I'm starting to get into the spirit and I'm getting the "What We Need To Have Happen To Make It Feel Like Christmas" list circulated, verified, commented on and ratified by the occupants of chez Riversdale on Christmas Day - so far it's looking something like this. Post separation a lot of things are, of course, changing, however Christmas Day will be very much as past years. Here's our living Riversdale document - watch as the kids add in weird ass stuff and then the parental units remove them.

"In light of all the not all men idiots ..."

In light of responses by men to the discussions from women online about the murder of Grace Millane in Auckland (New Zealand) recently I stumbled over a wonderful brain dump from Ann ( @RUOKAnny ) that I think ALL men can take to heart and use as a fantastic to-do list for when thinking, reacting, and becoming active with such events involving women. The thread starts at this thread - I'll copy and paste the text from the thread below In light of all the not all men idiots still breathing and talking shit, here's a few ways that you can truly put your idiotic words into action and truly support women who are fearing for their lives right now. — Anny (@RUOKAnny) December 9, 2018 Walk women to their cars and wait for them to drive off before leaving. Same applies to if you're dropping them home. Wait until they are safely inside. If somebody is inside their car you will see and be able to help. ...  wait with women for their taxis/ubers/transport home. Say hello

Sometimes ...

Depression Within Someone Else's Relationship

There is a tendency for those of us outside of a particular relationship to see the walls of it as fixed, solid, and most certainly not to be crossed - and for a lot of activities that is absolutely valid and correct. If there is depression with one party within a relationship however, it can have problems. Firstly it puts the expectation, from those of us outside, that the partner will be all over it, the support required will 'obviously' be being shared, the skills an techniques are all within the relationship. In essence, it's being sorted and there's no need for us to stick our noses in. That may be correct. Or it may be a very wrong assumption. A partner living with someone with depression is not only "just" another human being with no more skills, experiences, tools, or techniques than you or I, they may even be the opposite, someone that lacks the worldview to be that support. That person, having to stand next to the depression, may also be s

Anger & Depression ... And Affairs

This post was originally written a few year's ago - the ending has changed and so I have updated it, but the rest of this article stays even though I am a lot different to the person writing back in 2016. Even when it's broken it's beautiful End of the year [Mike: 2016] . Traditionally it's a time of reflection, contemplation and rest from the year's hard activities - bollocks if you ask me but here I go anyway. Whilst this year has certainly my brought a lot of change to my life it's fairly well known that I thrive in change , I love working out the future, planning for the differences and never standing still (ish). When I had my crash in March I made the promise to, “Never do that again!”, and the only way I could even attempt to keep that promise was to demand that I STOP! "Never do THAT again", it's a small word,”that”, but it covers a lifetime of anger, pain, confusion as well as feelings of worthlessness, being lost and lone

What We Learned At The Roxy

Duncan and I popped along to see Prometheus 3D last night* at The Roxy here in Miramar. After a few mistakes working out who actually was going to buy the tickets Duncan rushed in after work to get us two. "It's quite buys I'm afraid, we only have two seats together in the front rows, row C is available." "Oh", said a disheartened Duncan, I mean whoever wants to sit in the front rows, straining up to seer the screen looming in front of you. "No, no", said the ticket dude, "those are the best seats for 3D films." "Hah, yeah, well, you have to say that as there's nothing else available", said a cheeky companion. "No, seriously, that's where all the staff go when they watch 3D movies. You see ..." And this is the gold, prepare yourself ... "You see, the 3D glasses, when used in the centre of row C, exactly fits the screen. The rim of the glasses goes around the film perfectly. And it's b

On a scale of 1 to 10, how is your day going?

So many people have had me ask them this simple question, " On a scale of 1 to 10, how is your day going? (where 1 is as low as it can get)" Once the person responds, you then simply askm " Is there anything I could do to help move it from a 6 to a 7? " (or . . . "from a 3 to a 4" or "from a 10 to an 11"). Just reach out and ask ... I cannot recommend this highly enough as both for support people / friends / family that are keeping an active eye on someone in their life, but also just as a great way to connect not matter what the situation. So where did it come from - this is a technique that Jane McGonicall  ( @avantgame ) picked up from her friend Michael, a philanthropist and entrepreneur and uses in a Super Better "quest" called Plus-One Better - here are the complete instructions. QUEST: Plus-One Better Pick three people: 1. Someone who would like to hear from you 2. Someone you would like to hear from 3. Some

What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

Due to two high profile US suicides over the past week there has been a slew of articles about what people can do if they sense that someone close to them is struggling with life, has depression, or is talking about ending their life. " What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed " from the New York Times by Heather Mills seems to me one of be the best: There are no easy answers for helping someone struggling with depression, especially if you’ve already tried and tried. Here are some tips from experts. The tips: Don’t underestimate the power of showing up Don’t try to cheer him up or offer advice It’s O.K. to ask if she is having suicidal thoughts Take any mention of death seriously Make getting to that first appointment as easy as possible Take care of yourself and set boundaries Remember, people do recover from depression As I mentioned in " U OK hun - It's All About The Timing ", the power of 'merely' showing up with out a goal

Separating, It's Not All Roses

When I first separated from Jude back in mumble mumble and 7 it was to ensure we didn't end up stabbing each other. And we didn't, we are good mates, have had a life of experiences that we like sharing, support each other and, well, good mates. It ended up all good. In fact, when we did separate we were so young that we didn't have anything to argue over apart from a painting which I'm happy to recently learn is hanging on Jude's son's wall - win! It took time, of course. Nothing is easy, especially when you're going through it all on the other side of the world. And now, I am separating one more time, from Liz (of course, who else would it be). It's a mutual decision that is most definitely for the best for all. We have been separated for quite some time. In fact, we have always had a different view of the world around some certain fundamental items of life since, well, since we ever so quickly got together. We also have, and still have, a deep co

Join Us Live On #twnz18 Techweek TV

Over on my podcast, Access Granted NZ , we are joining up with the fine folks at Techweek and streaming live on Facebook (I know!) at all the headline events around the country. We'll be live between 12pm-2pm talking with speakers, exhibitors, and YOU!

"U OK hun" - It's All About The Timing

When times are dark, the chips are down and life seems bleak many people (but not enough) reach out to friends and family, especially via ' social media ' and mostly via Facebook. This is a good thing. There are also random posts from people that (probably) have had something happen in their lives, mostly to someone else, that prompts them to send out a message. The message that is most common is: Reach out, you're never alone, I'm here for you ... or any combination of the above with the same sentiment. Now, there's three things I'd like to talk about this response: Timing The sender The receiver For anyone that has read my On Contemplating Suicide post you may have picked up that the timeline, for me, means that timing to receive this message is problematic. If the world is all hunky-dory then it washes over like all Facebook "makes you feel good to send but what's that got to do with me" messages. If The Queen has arrived, then good luck

Ballyhoo - A Word, A Game, A Pinball Machine, A Band, What Else ...

Many many many moons ago I posted about a parlour game that 'we' invented called Ballyhoo - go check it out:  A game for 4-8 honest adults. The game is best enjoyed with good friends but is also an excellent introduction vehicle for new people joining the circle. Fine wine, good food and a roaring fire have been known to assist with the play. The name of the game, "Ballyhoo", came from Maxi along with the rules, and she couldn't remember why it was called that, it just was. I had a recollection of "ballyhoo" being something Irish, something along the lines of describing a good night, something raucous, maybe insurgent ... you know, a goings-on. And whaddya know, it is, this from Webster: Definition of BALLYHOO plural ballyhoos  1 : a noisy attention-getting demonstration or talk 2 : flamboyant, exaggerated, or sensational promotion or publicity 3 : excited commotion  — ballyhoo transitive verb Hah, 2 meanings. And then I was listening

Earls Colne

A trawl through my "draft" posts on this blog shows me this is the earliest one of the 39 I have - something I found interesting back in 2009. I have no recollection as to why. I don't believe I have ever been to Earls Colne, I cannot see anything particularly notable about it, it's not a place I have a hankering to go to, no-one I've wanted to know more about is from there, heck it's not even the filming site for a Midsomer Murder episode. By JohannesJ - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, It was just a draft post of 3 links, all of which still work - gotta love the Web that just stays around. There is something about a "project" that I suspect I was interested in, maybe, for some reason., perhaps. Standard tourism page. Standard Wikipedia page. So

On Contemplating Suicide

It's a tough subject, suicide. Just the word can be a trigger for many, especially  those that have thought about (like me), those that have had it visit them in their lives and even for those that feel it in the air, hear about it at the ubiquitous water cooler. And especially for all Kiwis as this BBC report from July 2017 says, " A new report by Unicef [pdf] contains a shocking statistic - New Zealand has by far the highest youth suicide rate in the developed world ." So, I give fair warning, this isn't going to be an easy read and, if you think this may bring up feelings you're not prepared or tooled up to read then please, be kind to yourself and give it a miss. Suicide. The ending of one's own life. The final decision when things seem so dark, all options are seemingly gone and the world would be a better place without you. It's a cold concrete hard grey lifeless place that sees one thinking, "This is it." For a long time my a