Separating, It's Not All Roses

When I first separated from Jude back in mumble mumble and 7 it was to ensure we didn't end up stabbing each other. And we didn't, we are good mates, have had a life of experiences that we like sharing, support each other and, well, good mates. It ended up all good. In fact, when we did separate we were so young that we didn't have anything to argue over apart from a painting which I'm happy to recently learn is hanging on Jude's son's wall - win!

It took time, of course. Nothing is easy, especially when you're going through it all on the other side of the world.

And now, I am separating one more time, from Liz (of course, who else would it be). It's a mutual decision that is most definitely for the best for all.

We have been separated for quite some time. In fact, we have always had a different view of the world around some certain fundamental items of life since, well, since we ever so quickly got together. We also have, and still have, a deep connection around a lot of other views on life ... but not enough.

There's a lot about a separation that has you ponder life. Was it all a waste (no, Jack and Meg are worth anything). Did I do it all wrong (yes, a lot, especially having an affair back in 2016 - dumbest move of my life). Were we ever going to be happy together (no, probably not). Am I sad about anything (yes, and no).

It's still early days, the weight has been removed from my shoulders, I feel a sense of light and adventure, the world has a wonder again. All of this could've come with Liz, in fact for a lot of the times (those pesky "good times" that everyone seems to want to refer to when I mention we are separated), we had a sense of wonder and adventure at the universe that was beautiful and I am sad to have to let that go with Liz.

These early separation days have been very 'logistical'. With a focus on the kids it was always going to be, and whilst they are "getting through it" I have been warned about the ups and downs of their journey, to be ever vigilant, and to never let them make up stories in their heads about how they made it happen - tough eh. Having been through it with my own parents I can most certainly empathise - and when I look at my life story, it's completely skipped over, funny eh.

Oh, one thing - The Queen as well as the Anger & Depression twins have not made an appearance, and long may that continue :)

And neither had tears until Saturday evening. Holding it in holding it together, and generally not thinking about it finally succumbed to an emotional release. It was all timing, as I dad a lot to focus on until then - work stuff. And then that bloody Anika Moa started singing and, well, her songs always do that to me - nothing her, you, me, or anyone can do about it :) I cried, and cried - thank golly for awesome friends to put their arms around me at that moment.

So no, separating is not all roses ... but it certainly can (if mutual), allow the sunshine in and maybe roses can start to grow one more time.


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