RIP Dave ... and kia kaha to my brother

Flickr: Pre-rabbit ears
My brother's best (and I think oldest continuous) friend died earlier this week in circumstances most sad and desperate.

I'm not sure what I am gonna write ... I didn't know Dave that well despite great times at a stag do in the wilds of Scotland and hearing loads of cool things about him from Rob. I know he had thought about coming to NZ at some point (mind you, a lot of Brits say that :-) but life changed on him quite dramatically when he and his partner split up.

I think the real reason it's hit me so hard is because it's my brother that is hurting. My younger brother has had something he treasured (and will, I hope, learn to treasure again) taken from him in a ... a ... can't think of the word that fits - sad + unfortunate + desperate manner. I also know (haven spoken to him) that guilt at "not being there" (sub-text, "I should've been") is hard to deal with. When someone does something seemingly, against you there is always recourse back to the person to try and put it right, not this time.

My brother is hurting big time. I don't like that and it makes me angry, sad, helpless and probably a lot of what he's feeling on a much smaller scale*

I am not in a good place actually, lashing out (metaphorically speaking) at the family, being sullen and not quite understanding what's going on. I cry but I don't know why, it's not like this was MY best mate.

But my brother is hurting ... and I can't do anything to lessen the pain.
Apart from call and be "there".

Time will help, both of us.

Sorry, this wasn't meant to be about me ... it was meant to be a "Rest In Peace Dave" but, the truth will out. I feel sad for Dave, his family and his friends in the same way you do when you hear a work colleague has had their mother die suddenly - we're all humans, we feel but, well, when it's not your own it's surface. When I wrote the line, "I think the reason it's hit me so hard because it's my brother that is hurting. ", I cried for the first time since talking with Rob.

The rugby is a distant second at the moment ... being Welsh and having Fiji beat Wales to knock them out of the competition touches/affects me like hearing that the Miami Dolphins have lost a playoff - not in the slightest. I hope I can gain back some interest and passion for the game before next Saturday, I'm sure I will.

* During my counselling days one snippet I learnt is that clients should know that you cannot compare pains - there is no Richter Scale for person loss and grief.


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