Ooooooooowwwwww ... the end of the story

Men's Fitness: Back Pain tipsWe ended the last "Oooooow" report around mid-day yesterday ... and a lot, and I mean a LOT has happened since.

Before I go on - thanks for the comments and emails both laughing at and then commiserating with. Special thanks to Noizyboy for the pointer to an excellent physio, I think I'm gonna need one.

The afternoon droned on, the pain came and went getting slightly more intense at times. Eventually Liz forced the issue and booked me in to the local physio.

4:45pm and into the car the whole Riversdale clan got, 45 seconds later I'm hobbling towards the front door of the physio as they pop over to the supermarket.

I'm in, I'm filling forms and I'm in quite a bit of pain.

Nice guy shows me through and I sit on his bed to tell him the story, do these people not read local blogs!?!?

He asks me where's the pain, how intense (out of 10 ... I give it a 7-8 in the 'nice' times and a full on 10 when I drop to the pavement like a sack of potato(e)s*). He then asks me to stand to which I gruntingly comply.

"Can you lean forward and touch your toes" - a request I've never been able to fulfill since the age of 18months. Forward I go ... [cut-n-paste]:
Fall to pavement/floor and can't move!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW .... [swearing started around the second "ooow" - you fill in your favourites, some of mine were, "Fuck!", "Oh for fuck's sake!!", "Jezzzzzzzzzzus!!!!!", "Shit! Shit! Shit!"]

Struggle back to bed. Breathing in, breathing out!!!!! Well, that wasn't a clever move by said physio and to be fair he's very embarrassed.

The pain sloooowly lessens. He says it's, "blah blah blah , back pain, blah blah ..." and I just wanna know how to STOP IT HURTING!!! He gives me an exercise - lie down, on my stomach; this takes the pressure off the spine and pushes any spinal bits back where they should be. If I can lift myself up on my arms and push up then do so. Do this as high up as poss but stop if any pain comes. Over time it will heal itself.

I thank him, hobble like my Grandad to the reception where the kids have been making merry havoc and staring at kids with disabilities - Jack, stares at a 7+year-old ... stares, stares, Meg walks in front of the girl, stares ... Jack in loud, inquisitive voice, "Why is that girls eyes upside down?"
Liz pays, I get another appointment for Saturday morning and we leave at the speed of light which my case is only slightly faster than treacle off a cold spoon.

Back in car. Home.

I go straight into the living room and lie down on my stomach. Not too bad.
Now comes a boring 1.5hours ... key words are: on stomach, pain increasing, can't move head, on floor, Jack reads me stories, on floor, can't move, cough, AAAARRRGH!, on floor, getting worse - oh shit, what are we to do???

Call physio - get pain relief from doctors.
Call doctors - shut.
Physio calls us - if not getting better in 30 mins call ambulance.

Call ambulance

They come. The nice ambulance ladies give me options - hours of wait at hospital and likely to be given pain killers and sent home. Get up and walk around.

Pain is quite indescribable by now - if it's on the physio's original scale then I've gone Spinal Tap and it's at least 11.

Encouragement by all for me to try and get up. Nope, too much pain.
Eventually nice ambulance ladies say they'll help me to stand straight up ... "Yes, this will hurt!"

Aaaaaaand, UP!

Shakes, slight shock, tears and "wholly fuck!!!"

After they go (with my undying thanks) Liz makes me a strong, milky, sugary tea - I never thought I'd be grateful to the English tea but it was heaven.

Pain lessens. Shakes stop.

Right - we need drugs. Kids (Meg) is really hungry and cracking up. Jack is doing his best (for a 4-year-old he was amazing) but it's tough - he's worried and asks if I'm gonna die.

Call a mate, Paul, who lives in Newton who then has to cut short his weekly shopping with his partner and young daughter to get drugs which he drives over to me. I take nearly all of them ... well, no, not really but I take the maximum allowed.
Thank you Paul ... just amazing!

Kids to bed - I actually read (standing up) Jack his stories.

Relax on my 3 cushioned chair ... bed is approaching and I am worried. Once down will I ever get up. Oh, first worry is toilet ... Liz is not looking forward to any "cleaning" that she may have to do ... although it would certainly strengthen our relationship and give us a novel icebreaker at candle-lit dinners. I toilet. I survive the adventure on my own.

Bed ... not that bad settling in - drugs are obviously working.


This morning I felt 1,000,000 times better. I can walk! I can turn! I can sing ... still badly.

Just been to doctors (hey ... I walked back ON MY OWN!!!) and he's given me a week off work.
Instructions: take Voltarin, rest by lying down on hard surface (hence original physio request of get on the floor - shall use bed this time because, as they nice ambulance ladies said, if you need to go somewhere you can from a bed but once you're down on the floor the only way is up). So, rest and gently movements - rest is the fixing, the movements is to make sure it don't go all spasm-y and locked again.

And that, is that. I'm off the computer for a few days - enjoy the weekend and I will post pictures of me running around with the kids very soon!

* Since Dan Quayle I have had a block on the spelling of "potato(e)s")


  1. Hi Mike,
    If you ever have back grief again, I can recommend David Comely at Chiropractic Health, just a few steps from you on cnr Park Rd & Rex St.

    He worked magic for me.


  2. Thanks Michael ... very handy to know if I ever need it.


Post a Comment

Be kind

Popular articles

The Difference Between One Million And One Billion

Call 159 To Stop Phone Scams

Reflections In Blue

Are Chemtrails Real?

It's Ok To Leave A Drink