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Excuses, Excuses!

Stolen from the Excuses, Excuses! page
[Updated 13-Jan]
Which I discover is the same as Excuse Notes from Parents on my very own (if 'old') Weird But True

The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system by parents of students:

  1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
  3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
  4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
  5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
  6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
  7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
  8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
  9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
  10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
  11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
  12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
  13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
  14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
  15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
  16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
  17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
  19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits."
I have nooooo idea of their originality, authenticity or source - just have a giggle and leave it at that.
Hat tip to Doddyeroldfart at Rest Area 300m