Dave Barry helps you choose your ultimate Christmas gifts

Every year Dave and his team (of one I think) trawl the gift producing companies to find those ones that we just can't live without. He's just put up Christmas 2005: Less stress, less mess

Personal favourites include the KISS Celebriducks,
''... "We need to put out a product that would appeal to fans of the legendary rock band Kiss.'' On the other side was a guy saying, ''No! We need to put out a product that can be used as a bath toy!''.

The Musical Funky Toilet is also a high quality piece of Christmas consumerism, "...
open the toilet lid, the toilet contents -- yes, the toilet has contents, with little eyeballs -- perform a funky musical dance. Ha ha!"

And I will be expecting the Scrolling LED Belt Buckle to be in the sock at the end of the bed come the 25th, "
Ask any woman on the planet Earth what is the first thing she notices in a man, and she will answer, ''Why, his belt buckle, of course!''"

I don't want these.


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