Blogging and partners

Cartoon: Yes I could read your blog ...

Many moons ago I started this blog with the idea of empowering us all with a new world view, creating solutions to world issues via the democratic power of the interweb and to inform/entertain all correct thinking and intelligent people. Oh, and to get as many pictures of my son published as possible so I don't have to email them.

To the best of my knowledge I have managed to meet only one of those objectives.

More pictures coming soon.

Behind these obvious goals, ones that I believe most bloggers start of with (except posting pictures of my son - I will sue!), was the attempt to try out new stuff.

Does blogging work? What's it all about? Who actually uses it? How can I best pimp the heck of of the blog?

Hidden in the back was even some actual career type things - what works on a web interface, what doesn't, why not, why do people use one thing and not another ... usability and all that. Also a little 'community theory' type malarkey. Hence the almost constantly fiddling with the template - I apologise and thank you for your patience.

(As an aside there was a notable drop-off in comments when the blog went black - possibly the one track postings (rugby) put people off. Why didn't YOU comment?)

Some of the lessons learnt were quite surprising:

  • Blog regulars quickly become 'friends'
  • Competition for comments is huge
  • Link backs are the equivalent to buying rounds in a pub
  • We blog for basically the same thing - here I am, I am worthy
  • It's not for everyone
  • ...

But here's my observation du jour:
I learnt just how exclusive, clique and introverted blogging is. This became evident quite quickly from my partner, Liz, and to a lesser extend my other friends. Friends I could call my 'real friends', my 'flesh friends', my 'actual friends' - but I won't, especially the 'flesh' one as it's a bit icky.

Back to Liz. She very quickly became uncomfortable about the blog and especially me 'divulging' so much about myself, her and our family. What if a nutter found out where we lived! What if some sicko discovered Jack via the web and nasty things occurred? What if anyone/any organisation discovered more than we wanted them to know?

We'd simply change our name, hee hee.

No, not really. Valid fears but ones I suspect aren't really linked back solely to blogging. Many others have similar fears about the web, the internet, credit cards, identity cards and a gazzillion other information bases that, if people wanted to, could be discovered.

And I think that's the key, if they wanted to. We (Liz, Jack Meg and I) don't actually do much that the world's interested in. We don't make bombs to blow up people, we don't attempt fraud on a major scale, we don't even avoid paying taxes - we're fairly boring and just get on with life within the system in our own particular way.

And if we did (make bombs, commit fraud ...) I'm fairly certain I wouldn't put it on the blog.

And that's point number two. Whilst I am fairly open with my life, what's getting under my skin at the moment, where I'll be in two years time and the like I don't put everything up on the blog. Somethings you really do have to know me to know. Somethings you have to be married to me to know. Somethings only I know.

Another part of Liz's uncomfortable-ness was (and I'm sure when I check this out with Liz I will be totally validated ... or proved wrong and told that I should've asked before making assumptions) was the 'opening up to others not her'. There was a feeling that I was telling you all stuff that she didn't know and felt she should've - at least before you guys.

Possibly true.

Of course my comeback was to say, "It's on the blog that's open to the world, go read it like everyone else". But that's missing the point somewhat.

She didn't want to be one of the masses, she wants to feel special and to know that I think she's special. Apart from hugs, kisses and the occasional grope one of the ways of feeling special is to connect through talking. One on one. In person. Looking at each other when doing it.

I got that quite quickly and made sure that when I blogged she knew it was both gonna happen and it had happened. I also gave her a summary of what I'd blogged. I also made sure that nothing went up that was personal to us without making sure we'd chatted about it first (except this).

Liz was also in the same boat as most of my mates with the question, "What the bloody hell is a 'blog'?" There was a bit of getting used to what blogs do, how they work and how I use it.

Over time she (and my mates) have caught up and are now used to popping to the blog to read the latest non-bombing escapades of Mike, checking out the photo's of Jack and having their world views challenged by powerful arguments for and against.

Some of my mates/family have even started their own blogs.
Some leave comments - I love it when that happens.

Liz has also learnt that most of what I blog is pretty mundane and is, I suspect, no longer challenged by what's here. She pops in to read the weekly Meg postings and might fight her way through the rugby articles just for the hell of it. All-in-all I suspect she's of the opinion, "Boring, I already knew that" - this is good for our relationship.

One tiny facet left that could still be annoying to her.

It's when I say, "Ha ha ha, you should've read what Wanda in Petone said about ...", or, "Hey, Ms Vile File left a cracking comment about ...". Normally I get a, "So, who's Wanda then?"with a look of 'it better be someone you don't really know ... flesh-wise'.

Liz knows and loves my friends (the 'flesh' ones) and it can be quite daunting when I talk about a whole bunch of people she doesn't know, ones that I can't really tell her that much about. This might come across as being secretive, clique-y and 'my gang-y' (llew is never a problem as she knows Andrew Mephisto).

Maybe it's what Liz is thinking, I don't really know. Probably have to talk to her about this.


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