"Goodbye China" "Australia" - by Kathrin Goldsworthy (Australia)

By /
From the Web 1.0 days I bring you The Forum. To preserve them for posterity as Geocities can no longer be found but also it's fun to re-read some of them.

-----

23rd February, 2001

Hey you, it’s here, finally, my last day at good ole, world famous for its journalistic integrity, CRI...and I’m thinking back over the past, very weird, 12 months.

Sure I’m going to miss the special treatment afforded to us foreign experts, the chauffer driving me to and from work every day, the sweet girly who comes to clean my room and pick up after me, the “immunity” from everything bestowed on foreigners, or “freaks”, – but godammit, I’m so looking forward to being back in a real country again.

Although, I’m not Australia’s ready for me, and all those bad habits I’ve developed here in the middle kingdom....assuming no one can understand me, so talking about them in front of them, smoking through dinner - or for that matter anywhere I damn well feel like smoking, spitting bones on the table or floor (I have never actually done this, but certain people we both know have) and the good ole Beijing lack of respect for personal space.... shoving and pushing your way through a crowd (there is always a crowd in Beijing), sharpened elbows straight into the kidneys.....


When I arrived, a small town gal from a small country, the culture shock was enormous. I couldn’t read the road signs, I couldn’t understand anyone....and with my very rare kiwi accent, they SO couldn’t understand moi. A saner person would have thought more about just how different China is, and possibly made an informed decision about coming here – but no, I get tiddled and sign myself up (it’s a bit vague, but I THINK that was what happened. Oops)

But hey, look how well I have acclimatised! I can bargin like the best of ‘em, survive the supermarket hordes, order myself a decent meal and obscene amounts of beer all in fluent Beijing-ese (mumble or slur your words. Works everytime.)...and of course I’m up there with the party faithful when it comes to propaganda.
Mind you I don’t think it’s been easy for China, me being here. As one of the first kiwis to work for CRI, my poor colleagues spent months trying to decipher my accent, or for that matter find my country on a map. And as for Beijing taxi drivers.......
DRIVER: where you from?
ME: New Zealand
DRIVER:oh, good, very good...(silence)........where’s that then?
.....and then in my crap Chinese I try to explain that’s it’s just south of Australia, and they drop me off fully convinced that Tasmania is otherwise known as New Zealand...which is why I now tell everyone I’m from Australia – it’s big country, very near NZ, and they HAVE heard of it.

Everyone at work has been so devastated about my impending departure, I’m almost sorry to leave the place. Almost. If I never have to write another story about the evil, and quite possibly US-led, cult Falun gong hoodwinking brainless Chinese again – it will be too soon. And as for President Jiang Zemin and his endless furthering bi-lateral relations into the 21st century – well!! My legacy will live on in the CRI newsroom with every “mate” and “ta, luvey” that is uttered in years to come. (and they can all now find NZ on a map.)

So zaijian communism, and hello the “outside” world. It’s been a blast....spitting, squat toilets, surly Beijing shop-girls, weather extremes, and pollution aside.....I’ll miss you Beijing. Crazy country, crazier people.

Xxxxkat

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular articles

The Difference Between One Million And One Billion

Image
It's feels like a billion is just a bit bigger than a million. Obviously it's bigger but it fits on the same scale as a million, surely. It doesn't. A billion is so so so much bigger than a million. I've trawled the internet finding graphics and videos that show the VAST difference between one million and one billion. Oh, and just to finish with a different misconception about space starting with the classic opening line from the great Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy : “Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.”

Break The Chains And Be Your Own Person With RSS

Image
We like to think that information ("content") on the Web comes at us from every angle and at speeds that our poor brains just can't take, stooooppp, it's all too much. Nope, most people get small amounts of Web information in very limited ways, Facebook, YouTube, maybe Twitter (ick) or something more wholesome but similar like Bluesky or Mastodon. You'll likely also get messages (through something) with a link to something wonderful and glorious, but I'd say that's mostly it for the vast unwashed. You, are much better than those ignoramus though, and also visit the BBC, RNZ, Stuff, or some other old skool media website (or app, different but same). I applaud you, but what about all those other websites that you like the look of but forgot. You should be using an RSS reader ... yup! This conduit is anti-lock-in, it works for nearly the whole internet. It is surveillance-resistant, far more accessible than the web or any mobile app interface. It is my secre

W. C. Fields quotes

Image
The office has all been moved around - new desks (with starter handles to raise and lower them), new high(er) speed network and ... the same old work. At least I have a differing view of the world, my team (well, the team I'm a part of not "my" team) is a lot closer - finally - and it's like an office from the 80's ... or even a classroom. But I still have time to move the crap off the PC : ------ Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad. Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad. Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! Who stole the cork from my breakfast? Now don't say you can't swear off drinking, it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit, no use being a damn fool about things. Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they alwa

Men, Stop It!

Image
A friend of mine recently related how she was so over men sending her weird, annoying, and sometimes creepy messages via LinkedIn. I know, bloody LinkedIn, so I assume these are men are just using a "business reason" to get off, or something 🤮 So, the first message of this article, MEN, STOP IT! If you think you have the right to give a woman mental work by sending any unwanted message, you are wrong. It is so tiring and boring and sad, don't do it. The second message of this article is, men, atone by reading the next three articles and tell a woman, maybe your daughter, what it meant to you. Ask them what they think of you reading it, you will be happily surprised. 1: Stop praising women’s strength. We need a world where we don’t have to fight to be valued To change these harmful systems, we must continue radically shifting norms, despite continuing resistance. Second, creating accountable and equitable governance structures is not just women’s work; it is everyone’s ta

The Oxygen Of Attention

Image
Stephen Fry mentioned it many years ago as a means of not only deflating Donald Trump but everyone like him, the self important that survive on the energy that attention gives them. .. Trump is the most talked about man in history, every single restaurant table, every single bar room, every single coffeeshop conversation you can just hear the word Trump Trump Trump.  He's the Trumpallo, he's like a Dr Seus character, the more you say his name the bigger he gets. All you have to do to defeat him is never mention his name. I have failed with this and other posts, but I think I'm gonna do just that. For my own sanity, I'm just never going to talk about him, no matter what happens from tomorrow on - I just don't need him in my life. If we all did that he would deflate like a balloon after the party lights have long been turned off. I also recalled a quote from Adolf Hitler: “It makes no difference whatever whether they laugh at us or revile us … whether they represent