Your Joke Extravaganza For The Week - Enjoy

Yep, all from an Adam's Jokeslist email - my favourite in bold.
And if it's jokes you're after check out

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I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

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A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

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When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch.

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My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed: "it's worth spending money on good speakers".

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

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I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."He replied, "No, just having a shit."

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Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Comments

Vicus Scurra said…
Yes, thank you. I will buy tickets for your show when you come to Hampshire.
Mike Riversdale said…
Hampshire ... now you're having a laugh aintcha?