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It's no secret I shall be #PartyVoteGreen and likely to be Labour Paul Eagle for my Rongotai electorate. I shall also be Yes for both referenda.Now that's that out of the way you should of course ignore it and do what you feel is right.First of all I would urge you to VOTE! Make sure you're enrolled and your details are up-to-date: https://vote.nz/enrolling/enrol-or-update/enrol-or-update-online/Done that, no really I can wait, off you go, check your details ... Ok, good. This year from Wednesday 2nd September (overseas) / Saturday 5th September (in NZ) to 7pm on Saturday 19th September you get to vote on one or more of the following:The makeup of ParliamentParty voteYour local MPCannabis legalisation and control referendumEnd of Life Choice referendumYou can vote via post, look out for your voting papers later this month, or in person at many voting booths around Aotearoa New Zealand.
That's who (YOU!), when, where, how, and I shall assume you know why. If you don't…

Sometimes I can be an introverted wee flower

Despite the image that a lot of people may have of me as being 'out there', sometimes radical and often challenging there are times in my life when I get a bad case of the jitters. This happens mostly when I meet people for the first time "off my turf".

Case in point: A friend of mine offered up their house in Martinborough for the Riversdale's to go and play in as a way of "getting away from it all" and giving the us a wee holiday-ette. Top! Liz, after asking me, wanted to bring along a couple and their gorgeous girl as well - a sort of family friends away time.

Liz and Helen (for that is her name) get on like a house on fire. They met at Playcentre and very quickly have become great buddies. Iain is a top fella and, as I've said, their daughter Betty is a great wee girl and both Jack and Meg love having her to play with (and vice versa, I'm sure).

Martinborough wasn't the first time I'd met them, we'd had a few wine sodden evenings here in Chateau Miramar and we did have a great time - even if I did slur something rotten the second time, *hick*

So what went wrong on the weekend?

I do find it quite tough (sometimes) when I have to 'make the talk' with people I don't actually know that well. I tend to go inside and the art of conversation seems to dry up within me - something I'm sure some would like to have happen more often.

The outward symptoms of this 'unease' is usually perceived by others of someone that is either:
  • a rude sod
  • a pissed off person with something I've said/done
  • a shy and retiring person with not a lot of social grace
  • a bad man
And once I start the slippery slope down I find it very hard to pull myself up - in fact on a number of occasions it's ended up with me completely withdrawing from the social circle with me sitting in a room at the other end of the castle.

Not fun.
Not for me, Liz, the kids, the "others"

So what went wrong?
To be honest, I don't know. There's probably some deep psychological reasoning behind it all, maybe a chemical/medical explanation can also be put forward. The reason behind isn't too much of a concern, I now see it and am working to change it (thanks to some hard work from Liz intertwined with a lot of anger, patience, love and "When you do X I feel Y" type conversations).

In fact, I treasure these moments of lucidity in my life even if I don't necessarily enjoy the rocky road to it. There have been a number over the past 40 years I've been trotting around this globe and I am sure there will be more. Every time it has happened I have had to think long and hard about what I want, how I want it and what I will do to make sure it happens. Every time I have come out the other end a far nicer person to be with and a far happier person within me.

It'll be hard. Habits are hard to change- as a counsellor once told me, "Take a week to get up each morning and put your trousers on starting with the leg you normally don't stick in first. After a few days I guarantee you'll be back in the old way - and that's just putting your trousers on, imagine how hard it is to change ..."

Also, at work a colleague has taught me during the year that people (and therefore companies) need an, "Oh fuck!" moment to change as without it there's no real reason/impetus to do anything differently.

I have had my, "Oh fuck!" moment on Sunday.
I am determined to be mindful of the habit.

Wish me luck dear readers as I tootle off to be a different/better person ...

Oh, and three (added another) last items I have starred in my Google Reader that totally fit this posting:
[Updated] Added Anecdote link

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