Fathers Feelings

By /
Being a father is tough.

In a changing and challenging world the ways to be are no longer set in stone, accepted, and understood by all.

Fathers now have the freedom to express their feelings, to acknowledge their failings, to know they need to sometimes stand up and other times to sit and listen.

I believe my own father, Derek, Dad, took the first faltering family steps along this changing path. I don't think he liked it, in fact I know at times he absolutely loathed it and hankered for the clear road he had seen his own father travelling upon.

A road full of power, ego, violence, and rage. A road however lined with love and hidden moments of care and tenderness. A straight and narrow road with clear sign posts, an understood destination, and clearly marked milestones on the way.

It was at the age of 17 that I first realised the "Dad" was more than an honorific. It was a mindset, a way of being, and most importantly it was something you could see in the behaviour of men.

I was a typical (to my mind) angst ridden teenager and had taken up with a woman much older than myself. This caused my Mum pain at the time. My Dad took a walk to come and see me whilst I was staying at my girlfriends house and on that late summer afternoon, as he talked to me I got it. He was kind, he was understanding, and he was honest. 

He had strode the straight and narrow road, but he was taking many many sojourns on this new path of how to be a father.

Even before I was Dad with the birth of my amazing* kids I know that was the moment, in that calm sunny afternoon in Wales, that I stepped onto a new path of being a father.

I now must continue walking on the path of kindness, love, and understanding. But I am my father's son, and he was his. The old road may be in the far distance but I can still hear it, smell it, and I read about it in the statistics of New Zealand. 

But you know what, it's not really a "new path", it's a superhighway of Dads who've been on this road for a millennia, and therein lies the key - just ask and there's many to help guide, no-one need get lost, and no father needs to return to the old road.

To all the Dads, Happy Fathers Day.
A father and his two sons, who are now also Dads


* there aren't enough words in enough languages to express how I feel about my kids
Monmouth NP25, UK

Comments

Post a Comment

Be kind

Popular articles

Make Your Public Event Calendar Usable To All

Image
If you run a sports club, this post is for you. If you are on a community committee, this post is also for you If you host events, this is for you. If you put on shows, this is for you. In fact, if you do anything that has a date/time component that you'd like to share with people, this is for you . Yep, probably for all of us. Sharing calendars can be both: an effective way of letting everyone know a complete and utter technical pain in the bottomly region If you've posted up an events page onto your website you know how difficult it is to keep up to date, how the readers have to keep coming back to get the latest changes and don't even think about integrating with somebody else's "events page". Ok, so we all know the problem. What's the solution? iCalendar (normally shortened to iCal) ... yep, it's a geek word that you will come to know and love just as much as RSS. In fact, think of it as RSS for calendars. But that's enough geekery, if you want

The Difference Between One Million And One Billion

Image
It's feels like a billion is just a bit bigger than a million. Obviously it's bigger but it fits on the same scale as a million, surely. It doesn't. A billion is so so so much bigger than a million. I've trawled the internet finding graphics and videos that show the VAST difference between one million and one billion. Oh, and just to finish with a different misconception about space starting with the classic opening line from the great Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy : “Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.”

[Updated] Pubs of 2024 Monmouth

Image
"Back in the day", yada yada yada, yes we all know there were more pubs than people, there was a pub every two houses, the largest number of pubs per square mile than anywhere in the known universe, there was a pub named after each and every one of us, and yet, YET we only ever went to same one every time. Monmouth has changed, it now only has 10 pubs.  "Ten! Ten? It used to be ten pubs just in the top of town. There were ten pubs I'd walk past to get to my local." Yes, yes ... times change, we now have 10 pubs in Monmouth . Oh, and the Mayhill but that seems to be more a ghost pub, it can be seen but only in the dark and no-one will believe if you say you went in. Monmouth, a town in Wales (YES, it is in Wales ), a town that has a population of around 10,317 (as at 2021). A town who's 1980's population was, well, I don't know, despite a century of censuses being taken, it's impossible to find (1991: 8,206 | 2001: 8,877 | 2011: 10,508 | 2021: 1

Reflections In Blue

Image
Of course "Reflections In Blue" Is a jazz album. Art Blakey and his Messengers Would love you to hear it. Coooool.

Mates

Image
Mates, I assume, chatting on the Petone foreshore.