Laconic Wit

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Bronze Helmet Donated by Son Kee chung
Laconic wit, or being a smart arse, depends upon whether you are giving, recieving, or merely observing.

My favourite has always been the following:
After invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, Philip II of Macedonia turned his attention to Sparta and asked menacingly whether he should come as friend or foe. The reply was "Neither." 
Losing patience, he sent the message: 
If I invade Laconia, I shall turn you out. 
The Spartan ephors again replied with a single word: 
If.

I'm quite amused by the following as well:

Polycratidas was one of several Spartans sent on a diplomatic mission to some Persian generals, and being asked whether they came in a private or a public capacity, answered, "If we succeed, public; if not, private."

Smart arse ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜

Sparti 231 00, Greece

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