The Forum: 'Typically British' by Kate Ayres

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From the Web 1.0 days I bring you The Forum. To preserve them for posterity as Geocities cam no longer be found but also it's fun to re-read some of them.

This is from Kate, an old friend of mine that I haven't seen for ages and really need to catch-up with to get the goss. This is dated 23rd February, 2001 as part of her "Post-It from London" column and might be one of the first Forum postings out there.

"Typically British"
23rd February, 2001

Mike has asked, begged, pleaded with me to write a column for his web page Forum on typically British subjects... A sort of "postcard from London". I am going to, I hope, give you a fascinating insight into what makes us completely balmy, jolly good sports and a pain in a**se all at the same time! Why we taught nations all over the world football, rugby, cricket and how in the matter of years we have completely lost the ability to WIN or play the damn games anywhere in the world! I hope my meanderings will make some of you homesick (those who have visited Blighty), and those who haven't done "the London thing" will want to come over here and see if we're all as barking (mad) as the world paints us. So without any more to do... here's my first report....

I met Mike about 6 years ago, 4 of those I haven't seen him as he was touring and living in various parts of the world and then settled into New Zealand. I don't live in London but on the outskirts in a place called Hertford, but I work in London and I think Mike is just fed up of me taking up so much space in his email system on all my chatterings! I am in the middle of 28 day detox diet plan. Its taken the UK by storm. A very well known TV presenter called Carol Vorderman lost shed loads and although I haven't (there's a surprise!) I am slimmer and feeling a bit more healthy. The video is in our top 10 in the UK so I expect 3/4 of the female population are noshing on oat cakes, beans and tofu.. oh bliss! This goes against all my English dietary needs, I am craving coffee like you wouldn't believe and Chinese water torture for me is smelling the local deli baking bread ... I just stood in the doorway the other day and sniffed. I think I could find myself diving into Starbucks on 1 March and celebrating big time! I have, strange but true, been a nightmare to live with while detoxing. I think all the bad stuff was coming out and quite frankly I could have been sent into battle and won! My temper has been horrendous.. Its probably lack of meat, fish, eggs, cheese, dairy products and alcohol, but don't let me put you off trying it . I can now do things with Tofu you really wouldn't want to know.....

Well its London Fashion Week for a couple more days and quite frankly this a brilliant excuse by those male designers to design outfits that will never cover your tits or arse and charge $5,000 for the privilege of not doing so! Its like the Emperor's New Clothes syndrome... Wake up... get yourself a decent skirt with a zip! I, of course, do have a weakness for strappy stiletto's. I would quite easily spend $600 a pair if I had the money to burn. I can understand totally Emelda Marco's fetish. There were some beautiful Jimmy Choo's, Manolo Blanik's and Gina G's on the catwalks and quite frankly I was envious, to the point where I was willing one of these catwalk gazelles to trip, a la Naomi Campbell... cruel girl I am! Prince Charles also gave an award at the Fashion Week Awards... nobody can understand why, there is a man whom fashion has sadly passed by... just look at his taste in women! Ouch.

London isn't exactly buzzing at the moment, we're too pre-occupied with Foot and Mouth disease in our pig herds and an imminent threat of snowfall at the weekend. We've survived the so-called onslaught from Eminem in his two concerts in the UK.. aaah... he's just a pussycat really... now the Sex Pistols... that was wild! We are expecting him back next week to duet with Elton John at the Brit Awards - our most hip and happening rock and pop award ceremony, usually always hit by controversy as its live and these rock guys are all drunk by the time the ceremony starts etc, etc.. it makes cult viewing to see if the Gallagher brothers or anyone else is going to hit anyone, throw up on anyone or swear and not be able to bleep it out... Marvellous!

Anyway ciao till next month...I'll fill you in on a bit more of London Life and enjoy the website.

Byee Kate

Original at: http://www.geocities.com/mikey_boyle_cols/kate/2001_feb_23.html

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